We were watching the late night news last nite when my housemates who are mostly Kelantanese and Terengganu-nese broke into fast and furious speech in their own dialects. They went too fast and too heavy in their accent for me to understand, but from a phrase or two which I understand, I managed to make a conclusion that they are angry over what happened in Bak Tai, Narathiwat, Thailand.

They condemned the Thai Prime Minister, the Thai government, the Thai military, and extended the condemnation to the Israel and US governments as well.

I am sorry that we are living in this violent and hateful world. But surely there's something that we can do to make it a better place? As pointed in my previous post, Focus on Solution, not on Problem?

However, I can't help wondering with an uneasy feeling of growing anger, why did the Thai military used force against the public? Is that the normal procedure they use when dealing with public? When I was in Thailand a couple of years ago, my Thai friends brought me in a car ride and then pointed to a landmark, saying, 'This is where the soldiers killed students' demonstrators.'

I was touched when I saw a weeping widow telling all how her children kept asking how come their father were not home for breaking of fast together with family, and how she had to lie to them saying their father went to surau for breaking of fast. When the children knew the truth, would they grow up harboring ill and revengeful feelings towards the government who was supposed to protect the public, namely their father?
You represent... naivete.
You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Me. Na-ive. Naive ke? Yalah kot. But needed to be protected? Hmm... Yalah kot :p Tapi kalau tak de orang nak protect, then 'wachaa!' diri-sendiri wat berani la. Yalah, orang tu jauh dari aku, kalau tak boleh la berlari belakang dia, menyorok2 ke. Hehe.
Balik dari kerja semalam, gi kedai motor nak beli motor yang aku book ari tuh. Sampai kat kedai tu, tunjuk resit kat tauke tu, tiba-tiba...

'Aiyo, ini sudah jual lo... awak lambat mah...'
'Apasal dah jual? Kan saya dah tempah?'
'Awak lambat mah...'
'Awak tak cakap pun kena amik dalam tempoh ini2...'
'Tak apa2... saya kasi tunjuk motor lain. Tahun sama. Ada starter oo...'
'Berapa?'
'Dua enam saja (RM2.6k)...'

Hampeh. Dia ingat aku ni kerja kat kilang cetak duit ke? Aku suruh dia tunggu sekejap, n miss call member aku yang janji nak datang utk test drive motor tu untuk aku. Maklum la, aku ni 'buta motor'.

Member aku datang, tengok2 motor tu, pas tu test drive. Dia cakap2 kat tauke tu, something pasal body motor tu (ntah aku tak tau apa2...), then bargain la untuk aku.

'1999, RM2600... mahal la... patut boleh kasi murah lagi...'
'Ada starter oo...'
Lepas 10 minit, dia kata boleh kasi RM2.5k. Tapi tak de kasi helmet free. Waah!! Mana leh cam tu! Tak puas hati. Aku pun bargain lagi.

Last2...
'Tauke, besok kita datang lagi la. Nak dekat bukak puasa ni.' Member aku cakap.
'Ok, boleh2...'

Kat luar kedai motor...
'Apasal? Tak ok ke?' Aku tanya.
'Ala... ko bagi aku sehari. Aku tolong survey motor lagi murah la. Helmet tu, murah je. RM30 boleh dapat. Patut body tu dia tukar tak charge apa2 pun boleh. Aku gi tukar body motor awek aku tak sampai RM50 boleh dapat... bla2...'
Aku terdiam je, tak paham apa2. Ah, lantak aa... Kalau dia cakap macam tu, yalah kot.

Lepas kuar dari kedai tu, dia balik opis dia, aku pun balik rumah aku. Betul jugak apa dia cakap. Tunggu sehari lagi tak pe sebab yang aku nak beli ni bukan murah. Ribu2 woo... Bajet aku pun sebenarnya sampai RM2.5k je, termasuk la aksesori2 lain e.g. kunci tayar motor n helmet. Kalau motor je dah RM2.5k, alamatnya makan roti kering je la aku sampai gaji bulan depan masuk (waa!! lepas raya tuh!)

Ahem, ahem. Kepada orang tu, thanks kejutkan sahur pagi tadi! :) Sori la lepas sahur tertido balik, tak sempat balas mesej ;p
Malam semalam set jam pukul 5 pagi, sebab aku suka sahur lewat2.

Alih2, pagi ni tak sodar pun jam bunyi menyebabkan aku tak bangun sahur. Bangun2, tengok jam, >gasp< dah pukul 6 pagi.

Biasanya aku bersahur ngan segelas Quaker oats berperisa coklat. Masa memula dulu, rajin la nak memanaskan kuali dan menghabiskan bawang, minyak masak, nasi dan sebagainya :p Sekarang ni, setelah balik dari klinik hari tu n tengok berat badan dah naik sekilo (sekilo!!!), ditambah lagi ngan perasaan setiap kali cuci muka, tapak tangan rasa penuh je (no more that hollow feeling in the palm of my hands), aku kata - that's it. Aku kena 'control makan' bulan ni.

Yalah, kalau berat bertambah, yang lain semua maintain lagi, tapi muka aku mesti bertambah chubby. Aku teringat masa bersiap2 nak gi kelas masa third year dulu, aku berdiri depan cermin kat ruang tamu rumah nak pakai tudung, lepas tu perasan betapa chubby nya aku. Masa tu aku terjerit, 'Alamak! Chubby nyer aku!'

From that day on, budak2 rumah aku pun gelar aku Chubby (hehe. Sori aa Didiz, sama plak cam gelaran ko kat awex ko tu. Tapi bukan aku nak, diaorang yang pandai2 kasi nama tu...). Terutamanya Haiza n Bib, tak abis2 terjerit 'Chubby!!' setiap kali nak panggil aku. Hampa-gas tul.

Kesimpulannya, aku kena kurangkan makan bulan posa nih. Kalau tak, nanti aku jalan sebelah orang tu, orang lain mesti cakap 'Eh, eh... 'sehat' nyer awex dia...'

... TIDAKK!!!
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface). In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did Russians do??
....The Russians used a Pencil!!!

Bila aku baca benda yang diforward kat aku nih, aku gelak terbahak2. Sebenarnya benda tu menunjukkan betapa complicated nyer sesetengah orang (termasuk la aku kot) bila nak setel kan sesuatu masalah yang simple. Salute kat orang Rusia for coming up with this solution.

Sejak kebelakangan ni cuaca mendung sokmo. Aku tak kisah kalau mendung dan redup je, sebab aku suka hari tak panas. Tapi bila dah hujan, aku tak suka pulak, sebab basah lencun bila nak balik dari opis. Baju pun tak kering. Yang tensennya, bila nak tido, tak hujan pulak. Hampa-gas tul...

Bila cakap pasal hujan, aku paling suka kenangan 3-4 tahun dulu. Masa tu adik-adik aku masih kecik. Sorang tu baru umur tiga, sorang lagi tu umur 4 tahun. Kalau aku balik cuti je, diaorang gumbira sesangat masa serbu aku sambil tanya, 'Bila nak main hujan?'

Memang la masa kecik2 tak elok main hujan nanti demam. Tapi bagi budak kecik, diaorang bukan reti pun benda2 cam tu. Yang diaorang tau, main hujan tu best. Jadi kalau hujan petang2 tu, aku jerit suruh cari payung besar, then budak2 tu akan berlari keluar ikut aku bermain hujan kat taman. Nampak lopak je, lompat kat lopak, biar terpercik air. Tendang lopak, lari2 dalam hujan di bawah payung. Seronok.

Tapi paling seronok dengar diaorang gelak dengan hepi nye. Tak kisah la kalau aku kena marah pulak lepas tu sebab biarkan diaorang main hujan. At least aku ajar sebelum main hujan, kena pakai baju tebal2 sikit, lepas tu mesti pakai payung =p

PENGAJARAN: Tak kisah la nak blogging time opis hour ni, asalkan keje dah siap! Hehe. Konpius? Tak de kaitan? Ada la... cuba baca betul2... ;)
Current mood: Making a huge change. H-U-G-E change.
Current emotional state: Undefined
Current dragons in slaying-list: 5, with 1 extremely tough to kill
Current wish: To kill that difficult dragon

Aku tukar blog template ke template asal :p

Dia cakap apa? 'Tukar lagi? Kan yang sekarang ni ok?'

Tak ok la. Sbb dier nyer 'feel' tu terlalu depressing (black & gloomy), and aku tak rasa nak jadi orang yang serius n depressing....

Dua tiga minggu lepas, kawan baik aku yang poyo tepon. Soalan pertama dia - 'Akak, akak masih poyo tak?'

Poyo ni, mengikut tafsiran dia ialah 'eksen'. Hehe. Yalah kot. Aku dulu memang poyo. So, aku pun panggil dia poyo gak.

Sejak aku bertukar tempat keja n bertukar environment dari 'selamba pukul berapa nak masuk keja lantak la', ke environment yang bulan ni je aku konpem bertukar punch card ke warna hijau (lepas tu, warna merah), aku jugak bertukar attitude - dari 'slamber apa orang nak cakap', ke 'tak leh, nanti apa orang cakap??'

Perubahan yang mendadak ni b-coz aku rasa aku kena ubah sikap kepada lebih dewasa... kononnya la. Sedangkan sebenar-benarnya aku ni masih suka main lompat2, berlari2, dan bagi ikan makan. Akhirnya aku gak yang tensen. Tak leh jadi. Aku kena revert balik ke nature asal aku - minah slumber...

Walau apapun, lepas nih aku teringin nak tukar lagi. Dah lumrah aku sebagai seorang Gemini. Suka buat perubahan. Jadi lepas ni aku akan melakukan anjakan paradigma ke satu blog skin yg aku suka tapi tak leh download (hampeh tul...) so kena tunggu orang tu tolong aku. Mayday! Mayday!

Speaking? Hehe. Orait, leh. Klu aku rasa nak speaking la. Tapi la ni, aku berfikir pun dah guna BI, boleh nak masak nasi fikir - Rice, 2 pots... Huk ala! Tolong la...
We are having visitors today.

From yesterday, we had been making preparation for them to come. From flowers on the table, to catering, to initinerary, to gift packs. Everything has to be seen to.

Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep after Maghrib prayer and missed terawih. I woke up, groggy and still exhausted, showered, prayed, and fell asleep again after I took my medication. I was woken up from my deep slumber at 5 a.m. by my housemate, feeling a lot more refreshed. Sahur was a mug of chocolate-flavored Quaker oats, chocolate cake which my housemate brought from home, and pills. I didn't feel sleepy after that, so I just went about doing house chores that I never got to do after work due to sheer fatigue.

Am thinking of preparing tomyam for breaking of fast this evening. Or probably for next sahur, if I had to go back late today. Whatever. I just feel like eating tomyam. Oops. Why am I thinking of food at this hour? :p
My work space is invaded by various invaders today.

First thing in the morning, while I was working on a confusing document (one confused confusion confusing over confusing confused. Hah!) suddenly all the managers in my division walked into my room.

'Where is he?' The Business Expansion manager asked the Sales Manager, referring to the Big Boss.
'I think he went out.' My manager quipped in.
'Obviously. So, is there a meeting now?' Business Expansion manager asked again.
'We're in here!' my manager called the Marketing manager as he hurried towards the Big Boss' room.
Marketing manager turned in surprise and joined the group.
'No meeting?' he asked, hopefully.
'Meeting's over, dude!' B.E. manager grinned.
'No kidding?'
'Of course I'm kidding. Let's just have the meeting. Later we tell him that we've had the meeting.' B.E. proposed.
'He didn't award any of us veto power,' my manager pointed out.
'So what? We act on majority around here.' B.E. cracked again. They laughed.
'I've enough of this. I have things to do!' B.E. finally said, storming out of the room.
'Aiyo! Sounds familiar...' one of them remarked. Everybody chuckled.

B.E. came in again, grinning all over his face.
'You guys! Can't let me have my day...' he shook his head.

The big boss passed by and beckoned everyone into his room. The managers looked at each other, grinned and left.

Two hours later, the IT executive came in, heaving a large box which turned out to be the fax machine. As he fiddled with the fax machine, another executive walked in.

'Are you giving me a new PC? I want a supercomputer, please.' he asked the IT exec. politely.
The IT exec smirked.
'Excuse me? I'm not giving you a new PC. I'm taking away your PC and giving you in place a typewriter.'
'No.... by the way, are you going to our other office? Because if you are, then can I come along?'
The IT exec turned to me.
'Have you been there?'
'Nope. But I heard it's enough to change an individual's perspective.'
'How so?' Exec 2 looked at me curiously.
'It's huge. It's nice. It's totally not ours.'
The IT exec nodded. 'True enough. But don't worry, we have a better ICT department than theirs.'
'Excuse me? Can you be any obvious?'
'I can. I'm better than they're.'
I could only laughed at that.

At least there's something to laugh on today :p
Ramadhan is here again. The first sahur this year consisted only of a cup of hot tea. That is appropriate, as I huddled under the blanket, shivering in the aircond.

Two evenings ago, as I was talking agitatedly to someone from the procurement, my boss called me.

'Make arrangements to be in KL office tomorrow morning. Be prepared to stay there until Sunday. Datuk requested for your attendance.'

I immediately frowned in worry. It could meant either: A. I've done something wrong again. B. I will have more work to do. Nevertheless, this is an order. I finished my conversation with the person, told the secretary to book flight to KL early the next day's morning, and accommodation until Sunday. When I checked my arrangement, I almost doubled back - I get to stay in a hotel. Cool! :)

B proved to be the answer. I happened to walk straight into a meeting which was discussing a project I knew not of until I arrived at the KL office.

But hey, this is nice. I am given a laptop to do my work throughout my stay here, and my hotel room is superb. For the first time in many, many months, I had the opportunity to soak up in hot water - relaxing my tense muscles. Talk about luxury. If only the spa is free...

However, the most delightful things of all, is the opportunity to meet my beloved. For the first time in my whole life, I am going to break my fasting with him. Looking forward to that =)
After meeting. Tired. Been reprimanded a few more times. Boss not pleased. I sat in the meeting wondering why do my performance has gone down drastically. Am not in the mood for anything.

I set out of the house with the courage to kill off dragons that are pestering my life. At the end of the day, I'm reduced to only a small, tired figure, 22 years of age, but feeling more like 72.

Mak, boleh sik kamek gurin kat riba mak barang sesaat, kamek dah lelah. Dah abis semangat...

I miss my mom.
10 minutes to a meeting. I'm still feeling miserable.

8 minutes to a meeting.
Feeling sad. Feeling awfully, awfully sad.

One dragon still on the loose, one dragon obstinately held on, one dragon's down, and I'm exhausted.

Am terribly mad with the finance department because they didn't explain properly in the first place regarding purchasing procedure. Halfway through with doing it, and here I am, mistakes staring at me in the eyes.

In times like this, I always crave for a vision of myself falling freely backwards - eyes closed, arms spread apart, letting go...

... Into waiting arms. Catch me from the fall, someone.
I woke up. I took my bath. I put on my work dress (purple-maroon blouse, striped greyish pants), boiled some sausages and put on my head scarf. Stepped out of the house into the elevator, walked to the bus stop and hopped on the bus.

The psycho old man was there this morning. An old, old worm. I ignored the worm, waited for the connecting bus to my workplace. Old worm still wriggling for my attention and I continued to ignore it. Stupid worm. Like I'm going to be intimidated by his psycho-stalker mode anymore. Bus came. Off to dragon's lair.

Six dragons to slay today. Four roaring ones in the morning. I'd better put on fire-protective armor to shield me from being burned to charcoal.

No, I'm not losing my mind. I just simply view my job as that - dragon-slaying. All those tasks to battle with. Right. 9.00 a.m. Off to fight another dragon!

P/S: Left Nemo at home. Anne is going to breathe fire down my neck :p
There's a fish in the so-thought empty tank. It has gone so thin it's almost transparent. I only noticed the fish when I walked past the tank and it made me stop there for a whole 5 minutes, transfixed. There's a starved fish in the so-thought empty tank.
Anne tried to feed it fish food. However, the fish food is bigger than the fish itself. And it shrank to the bottom of the tank, visibly frightened. I can't help but remember Nemo. This fish is so like Nemo.

By the end of the day, Anne, Jane, Aiman and I were crowding at the fish tank, looking at the horribly terrified Nemo (I decided to call it Nemo). I have to do something. The fish is clearly not eating anything that we feed it, so I want to give it the dried worms we have at home for our fish. I decided to put the fish in a flask. In that way, I can bring it back home and try to feed it. The fish is thoroughly traumatized and the sight is a distress to me. I never liked cruelty of any sorts. I am beginning to hate whoever brought the fish in and then subsequently forgot to feed it.

In case any of you wondered how today had gone by, I have this conclusion. It's been wacky. I've been scolded since morning, and by afternoon, I got so tired of it that I don't care anymore. Thus, I began to divert my attention to a little, frightened and traumatized fish which is currently swimming at the bottom of my flask.

The Sales Manager, on his way out, probably thought that I've gone bonkers coz I talked to my flask. To my surprise, I noticed that I am not feeling pressurized anymore. Nemo seems to need looking after, and I am not feeling victimized anymore, but feeling more like a protector.

I'm not asking much. I just want to be understood. If I can't get this, then I will seek to understand. Someone else. Like Nemo, for instance. No point in getting hurt, isn't it?
I'm surprised. Really.

Malaysians are so superficial in claiming that they understand each other. Recent comments by certain individuals in newspaper reveal that Malaysians have yet to reach that level of understanding. We merely tolerate each other.

I'm not criticizing anyone here. I'm just making a remark on what I found about attitudes among Malaysians regarding this oh-so-sensitive issue. I feel that there's more that needs to be done to make Malaysians become what they really want to be - truely Malaysians.

I'm making this statement because last night, I went to my friend's house because she's having a birthday party. I went there with a couple of my Malay friends, and a Chinese friend. Our friend who's throwing this birthday bash is an Indian girl. So you get the perfect scenario here - 3 Malay girls who are Moslems, one Chinese who is a Buddhist, and a family of Indians who are Christians. We are joined by a few Indian friends who are Hindus as well.

My Indian friend has invited her Christian prayer group as well. At the start of the birthday party, one of them got everybody to introduce themselves, with an additional comment or introduction. After the introduction, he announced something that made the non-Christians looked among themselves, at loss.

The man had invited everybody to join in singing praises to the Lord. That made the visitors of other beliefs rather awkward as to what they ought to do in the mean time. As much as I respect their religion, I know that I'm not supposed to join in the singing but I could just stand up with the rest to show respect and to wait until the singing is over. The rest had never encountered anything like this before and had no idea what to do. In the end, everybody just stood up as well.

The same thing happened when our friend blew off the candles on the birthday cake. Again, they had another prayer for her and prayer before eating. I couldn't help noticing that some people took care not to eat the meat and chicken served, despite the assurance by our friend's mother that the food is halaal. I wonder how they are going to survive outside Malaysia.

I took the word of my friend's mother and proceeded to enjoy the food. After all, I've been in the same situation in the past, eating food offered by my non-Muslim friends. My only question before I took the food is this - 'Did you buy the chicken from supermarket at the halal section / buy the chicken from a Muslim butcher?' If they are not sure, then I would decline the food in a respectful way. If otherwise, then I trust their words and cease worrying about it. I believe they are not out to be disrespectful towards me as to feed me something they know I should not take.
In the end, I guess this is not their fault. It's the fault of the world leaders who are making everybody paranoid of everyone else. When a certain religious group are being misunderstood, they couldn't help misunderstanding everyone else. Somehow, the question of who should first begin the first step towards gaining more understanding should not be raised. Instead, everybody should take the step and play their role. After all, each and everyone craves for peace and harmony. Just like you and I.
I decided that I couldn't wait until my leave application is approved before booking tickets to go back home for Aidilfitri. Wise move.


When I called MAS ticketing agency, the person politely informed me there are no more flights from JB to Kuching on 11, 12 and 13 November. I was flabbergasted.


'Not even business class?' I asked after briefly doing a mental calculation on how it would affect my dietary two months from now on.
'Sorry, miss. All booked out.'


Alternative plans. I have to find an alternative plan. So I queued up at the Air Asia counter. Luckily on the 12 November, there is a seat (one seat left!) that I immediately am willing to pay for. When the person behind the counter told me the price, my jaw crashed on the counter.


'Am I mistaken?' I took a step back to look at the signboard on the counter. Yup, Air Asia.
'Why is the price almost like taking a MAS flight?' I asked, incredulously.
'Well...' the person took a deep breath, ready to launch into a lenghty explanation when I cut him.
'Right, right. Just give me the ticket.' I shoved a stash of money (boohooohooo!!) across the counter. Yikes. Balik Raya affair has always hurt my purse.


The first half of the journey has settled. It's time to find out the fare for the journey coming back to JB. I went to MAS counter again.


Luck got on my side. Luckily, on the 17th November, there are plenty of seats left. Even on SuperSaver package! I immediately bought those tickets. Finally! I decided to call my mom to convey this good news.


'Guess what mom? I'm going back for raya!'
'Oh? Good! I thought I lost you to some Peninsular guy over there.'
'Momm....' Didn't realize how long I've set foot home. I decided to check whether I still remember how to speak in Melanau.


'Kak susah ati ka'au inan... pulik keau raya ih... (Don't you worry, mom. I'm coming home this raya) .' I assured her. My mom just laughed.


I wish that I could go back this fasting month. To set foot once more in the Darul Hidayah mosque, to sweet memories of Ramadhan, to past live untouched, unlived.
I'm bogged with so many documents right now. Finally I have the time to sit down and sort them out. Had just been reprimanded by my boss for not making a copy of an important list and filing it. I didn't know it was important anyway. And I don't care. Not today.


I'm feeling rather unwell, everyone notices that. I slept in the bus going to work, came into the office walking at a slow pace unlike usual when I prefer to stride, and speaking monotonously. As I'm typing now, I'm having a fever and a burning sore throat. It doesn't help that I did not have a good sleep last night. I kept waking up and drifting into vague dreams again.


Thankfully, my cramp had slowed down and I'm only having a mild pain. NOTE TO THAT SOMEONE: Don't bother to contact me tonight. I'm not even in recovering stage. I'm not in the mood at all.
I have a busy day today.


I organized and attended a project meeting. I brought two visitors on a tour and succeeded in influencing them to consider doing a business with us, managed to win a fight with a difficult supplier about order delivery, and gave instruction over the phone while running to meet another supplier to go and have a site visit.


In a nutshell, I have a very busy day today. On top of a stomach pain, crappy mood, and fighting the urge to break down and cry because my hormones wanted me to cry.


Now all I wanted to do is crawl in bed and sleep. Hopefully when I wake up, I'm back in university, late for class again.