I spent Sunday lepak-ing with my ex-roommate after going out for dinner. My ex-roommate and I go back a long time ago when we first started university and we were two awfully homesick girls discussing about pizza topping to stop feeling miserable. While I had graduated, she skipped one semester and now she's in her final semester.
'I don't know what's going to happen next,' she started, 'I don't know what I want to be.'
'Life's not an option. You don't choose what you want to be, you just grab whatever passes your way.' I blurted out.
I realized that was true.
When I finished final exam., I made plans to stay in JB until convocation and go back to Sarawak to work in one of the most established oil company as HR Executive or in its equivalent position.
That plan didn't materialize. I overdue my stay until today coz the company that I aimed for turned down my application. After my project ended (I was working as Research Assistant in my faculty), my cash ran low and in desperation, I just grabbed the first job opportunity that came my way. And stuck here until now.
I also planned to further my studies at my alma mater, but until now that plan is still pending (I hope it's pending, not cancelled). The faculty has revised the schedule so classes would be conducted during office hour. Attending classes during weekend is possible provided I'm willing to pay double the cost of normal classes. In the end, limited resources are holding me back. I'm not really sure whether I want to pursue HR anymore.
Life's not an option. You don't choose what you want to be. But you can create choice for others to make.
I'm not willing to pay extra for my own studies simply because my younger siblings' studies are more important than mine. One brother has just started college and my elder sister and I have decided to help finance his studies. We really want to support our brother and wish to see him become a successful town planner. As he's not eligible for study loans, we will be there to pay for his books, exams, rent, food and anything he needs.
Another brother will be starting university soon (I hope he'll get a place in university) and until he gets his financial assistance, he would also need our help.
Finally my sister who's in boarding school - I didn't get the chance to spoil her when she was small as I was busy with my own studies. She's always so sweet, and never asks for anything. However I was a young girl once, and I understand perfectly well a young girl's longings for pretty things, books, make ups, etc. Unlike me, I want her to be able to own the things that she longs for. I don't want her to feel the envy and disappointment of not being able to afford what other people can have, like how my sister and I felt a long time ago.
Maybe when they have succeeded to overcome life's obstacles, their sisters can think about their own lives' choices.