Semalam Jen kena marah ngan YDPA. Alasan dier sebab Jen tak reply email. Lepas tuh, dier membebel n Jen bagitau dier beberapa kali mention nama aku. Nampak benar dier tak suka kat aku. Aku take it macam tak de apa2 jer. Bagi aku, adil la tu. Aku pun tak suka dier. Tak kira la pangkat dier besar dari aku. Tak kira jugak aku nih sekadar kuli bertauliah ;)

Ayat dier yg buat aku tergelak time Jen citer tuh ialah,

'Just because she's Trump's favourite, doesn't mean that she can do whatever she likes...'

Kesian Jen. Aku tau ekceli YDPA nak belasah aku, tapi sebab frasa ayat pertama tuh dier meby cuak kot. Walaupun sebenarnya fakta tu tak betul langsung. Tak taulah.

Semalam ada meeting pasal bendalah yg YDPA kasi kat kitaorang. Aku rasa meeting nih buang masa. Mula2 aku semangat jugak. Finally, ada gak channel kitaorang nak meluahkan perasaan sbg kuli bertauliah nih. Tapi lama2 tgk at the end of the day, YDPA n batalion dier still mengacau ketenteraman awam, aku rasa tak efektif langsung. Baik la aku buat cara aku sekarang.

Aku harap sumer faham. Sebab before nih, aku tak macam nih. Aku dengar cakap. Aku buat apa yg diaorang suruh. Tapi lama2 mcm dah 'Eh? Bukan sepatutnya keje aku. Apasal aku nak kene buat? Aku kan bawah department lain?' Sebab hal2 yg tak sepatutnya aku buat nih jadi sampai kene balik lambat, etc. Memang aku keje ngan kompeni, tapi kompeni bayar aku utk masa aku 8 jam, bukan 24 jam. Tapi aku selalu bermurah hati kasi extra hours of my life free.

You see. YDPA nih tak bley kasi muka. Dier nih klu dah kasi muka sekali, dier suruh buat banyak2 lagi. Tak baik utk kesihatan. Macam tu jugak ngan the Golden Arch. Golden Arch nih memang the most unpopular person around. Dier nak keje dier je siap, tapi role dier cuma kasi arahan. Aku ingat lagi masa first2 dier masuk dulu. Dier bg cadangan (he's full of idea) tapi part execution tu, cepat je jari dier tunjuk kat orang lain. Sampai sekarang, klu dlm meeting dier cakap, 'If I may suggest...' Mesti kitaorang tertunduk tahan gelak. Wey, idup sapa lagi la dier nak nyusahkan nih?

Tadi ada meeting lagi. Golden Arch dah berjaya mendapatkan plasma tv daripada satu kompeni nih. Kitaorang dah dimalukan disebabkan hal nih. Then dier cakap the magic words sekali lagi, pasal nak buat launching.

'If I may suggest, why not we do something grand for the launching...' (sumer tertunduk sembunyikan sengih sebab dah agak dah ayat dier mesti mula macam tu)

'You may not suggest,' aku bisik kat Ainie. Ainie tahan gelak.

Then bila part sapa nak execute nih, dengan cepatnya dier cakap,

'Why not we ask our kuli2? They have shown that they are capable of bla2x..' Kening aku dah terangkat while sumer orang dah tengok kat kitaorang.

'How aah?' Chairman of the meeting tanya.

Senyap. Chairman, Ainie, Jen ngan aku sumer tengok tempat lain. Nobody said anything.

'Discuss later la.' Chairman dah sense kitaorang reluctant kot.

Aku tau Golden Arch pun tak suka kat aku. Dulu dier suruh aku buat something, pas tuh aku tak menyahut. Lepas tuh dier dah tak nak ada apa2 kaitan ngan aku. Tapi bila dier suruh Ainie, Ainie ikut cakap dier. Then hidup Ainie sampai sekarang merana. Huhu. Balik2, 'Ainie, why don't you...'

Sumer orang tertanya2 kenapa aku tak takut langsung ngan depa nih. Alasannya mudah n simple. Kalau diaorang komplen kat Trump n Trump nak buang aku pun aku tak kisah. After all, aku rasa tak aci la klu keje diaorang nak suruh kitaorang buat. At the end of the month, who gets the bigger paycheque? Diaorang jugak. Gaji kitaorang still ciput walhal keja mcm nak rak.

So biarlah diaorang tak suka kat aku, asal aku bahagia n aman tenteram :)
I wanted to tell you about the visit in KL. We met up with 3 companies and did pretty good in our meeting. Somehow, I didn't feel like telling you that. I had a bad day today, and everything seemed to be wrong.

First of all, on Sunday, I fell on my right hand when I went ice-skating. For a while, my arm felt numb like electricity flowed thru the veins and all that. Now I couldn't straighten my arm without flinching in pain.

Then this morning, I rode on my bike and halfway, felt that my bike was somehow wobbling dangerously. I stopped by the roadside, and discovered that my tyre tube at the back had burst, causing the instability. I had to push my bike for quite a distance, and hell, it was painful! Then I decided to just ride very, very slowly to somewhere much safer, away from lorries rushing by and honking at me.

Luckily, my roommate (I have a new roommate now) came to fetch me with her fiance, my friend Didiz. Pojie (Didiz's friend) parked my bike at the nearest parking, then they sent me to office. Thanks Di & Sal.

I had a hellish day. First of all, we had that meeting again. I hate that meeting. With so many other things to do, it's giving me headache. Then I lost the person's contact number whom I was supposed to meet during lunch. Hellish. If I was in The Apprentice, I'd be fired at the end of the day. In my case, I'd welcome it.

Then one of the managers sent an email, demanding report on certain duties that are by right, shouldn't be ours. I seriously got pissed off by the email. I sent an email to the HR department, asking them whether it's right for these people to send us this email. Asking where are the training objectives and how are we evaluated. I asked what's the point of rotating us if any managers can at any time, ordered us around. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had had a bad day, my motorbike had a puncture, I missed a lunch appointment, and now THIS. Gawd. Seriously.

Some people call me obnoxious, because I say what I want, do what I please. The truth is, that's basically true. I do what I want, say what I please anyway. I cease to care about what people think of me, and whether I'd be called into Trump's room if I didn't do what I don't want to do. It's a screwed up programme, this whole thing. We rush around, doing everything. But does this everything contribute to the achievement of our training objectives, at the end of the day? In the first place, what are the objectives? What are the evaluation measurement that they use to appraise us? What are our goals? What do we want to be at the end of everything?

Sigh. I so hate to do this. I guess now I have to do this because I don't see a future from where I'm currently standing. I'll just be - the way they see it. Obnoxiously rebellious.

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Wokeh. Kinda bz nowadays. Doing latest, latest proposal. Bukan setakat write-up nak kene buat, but also the creative concept :p Baru siap 5 pages. Ada 4 more pages (hopefully) then progress to meeting again. Ada seminggu lagi to the deadline, and by that time, kitaorang kena dapatkan 4 LCD / plasma tv companies to advertise. Sempat ke? Entah la...

Weyyy! Keje Teknikal tak buat lagi. Field trip report tak buat lagi! Waah! Sempat ke tak sempat nih??

P/S: Sesapa yg keje kat company Hitachi ke, Panasonic, BenQ, etc. yg nak advertise produk for FREE (T&C applied) kat ahem, sini (tempat aku keje nih la) puhleez let me know. I'm looking forward to talk business.
Kali nih aku tak nak komplen la pasal keja berlambak. Sebab ada keja nih bagus. Otak aku bz ngan keje. Bila balik, penat & terus tido. Jangan pikir benda lain. Sedey.

Tapi setiap kali sebelum tido, aku bukak balik mesej tu, aku baca, aku letak hp kat dada, n tido.

Sayangnya. Klu bukan sebab tu, aku tak sanggup kitaorang jadi macam nih.
Once upon a time, in a faraway country, there lived a small princess who's neither pretty nor rich. In fact, the small princess wasn't even a princess, but just an ordinary girl who dreamed of being a princess (which little girl didn't dream of being one?). The girl dreamed that she was a princess in distress a-waiting her fearless knight-in-shining-armor come rescuing her from the bad dragon, the evil witch, an endless slumber (now the little girl regretted of ever wishing having to be rescued from long hours of sleep), or an ice queen.

Just like every other princesses, the little girl dreamed that her knight-in-shining-armor is a handsome prince who rules a wealthy kingdom and knows how to ride a steed while slaying dragons. After the prince would rescue her, they would live happily ever after; spending the time chasing butterflies in meadows filled with golden flowers, singing songs after songs, etcetera etcetera.

Fast forward when the little girl grows up and is a twenty-something young lady who still dreams of being a princess. But what a different princess she wants to be! She doesn't want to be a princess stuck in a cellar, who can't even to wipe away soot from her face. Nor does she want to be a princess trapped in a high tower, with every means to escape (think about her various gowns, bed sheet, bed cover, curtains and ample of time to tie them up together to make a long rope) but still waiting for her knight to come a-rescue. Nope. She's no Fiona the Princess, waiting for Shrek to come when for cry-out sake, she even knows karate.

She wants to be a princess because only a princess gets to have these challenges and adventure thrown into her life. No ordinary girl is forced to drink sleep potions, or past due-date apple, or whatever. An ordinary girl is called an ordinary girl because she led an ordinary life. So she wants to be a princess in order for her to taste these thrills in her life. Dragons, bad witches and evil emperor. Bring it on.

The princess wants to slay her own dragon, to outwit the bad witch, to study potions in order for her to develop antidotes, and to put on her own armor and go into battles. No stepmother nor stepsisters are going to force her to stay in a cellar unless they want a kick in the place that hurts the most. It gives her the kick to do all these. It makes her alive with emotions and makes her the person she is.

However the princess is a human being whose heart beats and feels love. She still wants a knight-in-shining-armor. A prince whom she'll wed when she's ready. She realizes that she needs a guy to be beside her at all times - be it the time she fights a dragon or the time she makes dinner after a tiring battle. This princess thinks that it would be lovely to have someone to cuddle up to after a long, hard day, and just listen to her talk about it and share some thoughts with her.

The prince she wants now is a guy who shares her passions; who let her be herself; who's willing to pack up and travel to Africa with her so they can lie down, stare at the beautiful night sky, and debate whether men can reach the furthest planet or whether prostitution comes first before bread or vice versa (have anyone ever thought of this before?) The prince she wants to fall in love with is the guy who will be right beside her to lend a helping hand at slaying the dragon, and she will do the same to him too. The guy who let her decide what she wants to do with her life, gives advices but will catch her fall when she makes mistakes. The guy who doesn't demand for much, but a guy whom she's willing to give so much for him.

The princess seeks high and low for the prince who knows how to change diapers, cook and do house chores because she loves it if they do everything together. She turns away from princes who believe that a girl's place is only at home, and house chores are girls' job.

It doesn't really matter if the prince doesn't have a kingdom, a castle, a BMW, or a Rolex watch. She certainly has met a lot of handsome, cute, dashing princes and she's not impressed that much with them. She admires clever and mightily intelligent princes, but brains are not the key to a happy and successful love life. She just needs a guy who understands her needs, who shares her beliefs and her passions, who takes up relationship like a partnership and teamwork with both being equal in their own rights, who can lead her in a way that she accepts his authority willingly (that needs a very good skills at explaining the reasons why so and so), who's in-sync with her thoughts, and full of good qualities that all mothers look for in a future son-in-law (kind, warm, responsible, etc.). Most of all, she needs a guy who accepts her as she is.

To sum up the prince she dreams of, the conversation that they will have most probably sound like this:

'Princess darling, aim the arrow at the dragon's eyes. I'm here if you need me
to do that. By the way, I've changed the baby's diaper but I think he needs
feeding now. Let me help you to shoot the arrow while you feed the baby. You
gotta save your energy for your next battle dear...'

The story will continue.

12 April 2005.

Happy birthday dear. Semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki, dikurniakan kebahagiaan dunia akhirat.

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"This people.. sen chin ping! Besday Sultan pun kena datang keja."
"OK everyone. Here's the outline. Now let's draw sapa buat part mana. Pas tu, kita cut n paste je report Chairman yg lepas. Re-packaging girls, repackaging."
"Kita kasi sumer kat Chairman jelah buat."
Chairman: >Diam<. Chairman tak penah bercakap.
"Oi! Korang tengah wat per nih? Hari ni cuti, korang tak balik tido ke? I amik gambar u guys nih." <-- kata si jurukamera yang tetiba je datang menyibok bersama ngan tunangnya.

Woohoo! Nilah gambar kitaorang tengah tonggang terbalik bekerja on public holiday tapi tak berbayar, tak leh claim OT and tak leh tido jugak. Huhu, dasat tak?

It's 3 a.m. in the morning. I'm still at the office. Ainie is somewhere at the corner of the office, rehearsing her part of presentation. Jen is asking the Chairman the meanings of some of the terminology in her part. The Chairman is preparing the proposal after finishing the slides while answering Jen's questions.

At 11.30 pm the night before, we came up with the concept and the basic idea.

At 11.00 am, Jen and I discussed the main ideas and fine-tuning the details.

At 2 pm, Jen & Ainie left to attend to some other business.

At 5 pm, I was still working out the logo design. At 6 pm, the team came together to give inputs and at 7 pm, the logo was finalized.

At 9 pm, we sat cross-legged looking at the plan where the event is proposed to happen. And discussed which event is to take place where, and what are the packages we are going to offer. We had an old plan and we had to update the plan.

At 11 pm, Ainie scanned the old plan and emailed it to me. While I revised the plan, Jen & Ainie worked on the proposed itinerary and project timeline. 140 days away...

At 2 am, I came up with the new plan, emailed it to the Chairman, and came back to the main office. The Chairman finalized the PowerPoint slides, and printed handout copies to all.

At 2.30 am, we divided the slides and who will present what.

At 3 am, here I am, waiting for 10.30 am where we are going to present the proposal to the management.

And at 2 pm, we will start on the next business proposal...
Aku dah terasa migraine balik.

Apa salahnya sesekali aku masuk opis ngan perasaan aman dan tenteram? Salah ke?

Aaaarrggghhh!!! Semalam aku tak dak, rupa2nya ada lagi mega proposal nak kena siapkan by end of week. Bila Chairman bagitau, aku dah terasa kepala aku berdenyut2. Mujur dia dah start on draft of the proposal. Kalau tak pengsan la aku ngan Ainie nak perah otak on something yang kitaorang tak penah tau atau nak amik tau. Huhu...!

Pas tu, on another upcoming event, as usual, kitaorang kena come up with a concept within less than 48 hours. Last time, Ainie dah tergolek2 atas lantai dengan demam2 nak pikirkan concept event.

Ah, sambung karang la. Dah kena panggil brainstorming. :p

P/S: Chairman tuh, tak nak amik idea aku. Menyampah la kat orang gile kuasa nih...
I feel... dead. For the past two weeks, I had been going thru phases of emotions - I was angry, I was pissed off, I wanted to throw tantrum, complain, etc. Then suddenly, one day I woke up, feeling weary of all these emotions. I went about too tired to be angry, too tired to complain. Even too tired to make an effort to do something. I became - emotionally dead. Ask Survivor and she will tell you exactly the same thing. There's something wrong here but I don't know how to begin describing it.

Stuck in front of my work station, part of Linkin Park song lyrics (I've been listening to Linkin Park of late) - 'Everything falls apart / even the people who never frown eventually break down'. Everytime someone stopped at my place, they'll ask me what it's all about. Yeah, it's about getting your spirit torn apart.

Hmm... Remember that Trump assignment which made my head nearly explode? I completed the report in 3 hours. That's because Trump got mad at me and said either he finds the report on his table the next day, or I can find another job the same day. Temptation. How could anyone dangle a carrot in front of me like that?

To all who have helped me to finish the report, contribute to the contents (my sister and Farah), and those who give me the encouragement (the Fab 5), thanks a million times :)

To him who accompanied me until the wee hour of early morning to finish the report, even though thousand of miles away, thank you. You cheered me up and made me felt less sleepy so I can finish the report.

What can I say? I am blessed to have them with me.