'Shall we jump into the sampan, my dear?'
'Definitely, dearest!'

Salam semua... akhirnya balik semula ke realiti lepas menghabiskan tiga minggu di awang-awangan, jauh dari masalah keja, dan segala perkara yang memeningkan kepala!

Ni ler gambar aku yang tengah disolekkan oleh jeng..jeng.. jeng!! Juruandam profesional dari Miri - kakanda terchenta ku! Aku suka bangat sama solekannya yang au naturale itu... Yalah, sapa la nak macam pelakon opera Cina atau sebarang opera sekalipun dengan makeup tebal satu tan yang mampu membunuh sel2 kulit pada hari berbahagia ini. Aktiviti sukarela ni dilakukan secara free (nama la sukarela kan?) memandangkan akaun sudah defisit oo...

Kos membeli kain utk buat baju nikah (+ free kain utk buat baju Melayu) = RM240 (beli masa promotion)
Kos upah buat baju nikah = RM80 (dibuat oleh seorang tukang jahit berbangsa Cina kat Wangsa Maju)
Tudung = free (hadiah oleh kakanda terchenta)
Selendang = .... (tertinggal di KL, uwaaa!!! Kos selendang, RM70)
Kasut matching = free (hadiah dari ahem2x terchenta)
Kos keseluruhan = RM390 (aduss, terbakar poket!)

Adapun kisahnya, rupa2nya kami dinikahkan secara sukarela pada hari Jumaat. Sungguh berkat sekali hari yang dipilih utk kami tu, iaitu Penghulu segala hari. Vwah2x! Vogue de vast sekali!

Akibatnya, poket aku terbakar sekali lagi sewa baju utk majlis keesokan harinya. Takkan nak pakai baju yg dah berbau achemm kan? Apa? Lepas sejam berpeluh2 menghadap tok kadi korang kata baju tak berbau achemmm?? Hmm.. Rupa2nya bakal suamiku yang terchenta pakai Rexona deodorant. Kalau aku tau awal2, tak payah la nak cari baju spare.

Baju sewa (pakaian tradisional Melanau kerana aku ialah perempuan Melanau sejati) = RM150 (termasuk kasut, aksesori kepala & barang kemas dan selendang putih utk menggantikan selendang aku yang tertinggal di KL)
Nasib baik terbakar sket2 je <-- aku.="" kedekut="" sifat="" span="" terserlah="">

Apakah perasaan aku masa diijabkabulkan?
Soklan bonus. Hmm... Aku takde perasaan sangat sebenarnya. Tak de la rasa macam nak melonjak2 ke, nak melompat2 ke atau nak menangis penuh kegembiraan dan dengan anggunnya sekalipun. Cuma rasa sebak bila tengok mak ngan ayah aku menitiskan air mata. Lebih2 lagi mak aku. Baru je melabuhkan punggung atas karpet di belakang ahem2x yg dok atas bantal bersarung baldu tu, dia dah bergenangan air mata. Maka, aku tak sempat la nak melayan emosi sebab nak pujuk mak aku.

Selepas tu?
Lepas tu aku rasa bersyukur sebab dapat kawen dgn kekasih pertama dan terakhir lepas makan mee Cintan selama dua tahun. Dan alhamdulillah, jodoh aku ialah seorang yang memenuhi ciri2 yang aku cari - beriman, tinggi ilmu agama, sederhana, pandai buat lawak, sangat mengasihi aku dan sungguh encem di mata aku (awww...)
Semoga perkahwinan ini diberkati Allah, bahagia berkekalan di dunia dan akhirat.

Sangat memorable kerana...
Majlis kami ialah majlis perkahwinan pertama diadakan di rumah kampung dalam keluarga aku. Sebelum ni, semua anak atok aku (Pak Yeng) termasuk la mak bapak aku kawen di tempat lain. Kuching la, Sibu la, Bintulu la. Maka Pak Yeng dengan murah hatinya menanggung sebahagian dari perbelanjaan majlis manakala sebahagian lagi ditanggung oleh ahem2 yang terchenta. Lembu korban tok sah citer la. Dua ekor korban aqiqah dan seekor je yang dibayar sepenuhnya. Habis tak tinggal tulang, apa lagi ekornya (aku suka sup ekor, selingan semata2).

Paling best sebab dapat pakai baju Melanau, dari Latif Collection di Mukah. So Amy, kalau ko mok pakei baju Melanau hari ko kawen kelak, gi jak rah Mukah ya kat Latif Collection. Murah gik ya (iklan free).

Sangat best jadi orang Sarawak sebab...
Senang giler la isi borang nak kawen. Dah la sekeping je, tanpa interbiu, ujian darah dan air kencing mahupun yang sewaktu dengannya. Dan yang the ultimate la ialah lafaz akad nyer yg sempoi - 'Aku terima nikahnya dengan mahar yang tersebut.'

Maka dengan sahnya aku menjadi kekasihnya seumur hidup.
A few years ago, I once dreamed a weird dream.

I was chased by a few enemies without faces, and terrified, I ran and ran until I came to a wide crevice with never-ending bottom. I stood at the edge, unsure of what I had to do while the enemies were getting nearer.

I looked across the other side and there was a guy who stand there. A guy whose face I couldn't see properly. In desperation, I cried out to him, 'Help me.'

He extended his hand and told me, 'Jump across. I will catch you.'

I looked down at the bottomless pit in fear. I couldn't make it. I wouldn't be able to make it.

'I'll fall.'
'You won't. Trust me. I will catch you.'

I sensed the enemies were coming to kill me so I jumped and reached out for his hand. Just as he promised, he caught my hands and I landed safely to the other side. To safety.

Then I woke up.

A few more years later, I dreamed that I was strolling in an empty block of classroom. Upon reaching to one empty room, I heard somebody playing a beautiful haunting music. I went in and there was a guy who played the music on a grand piano. I stood beside him and he smiled.

'I am playing this song for you.'

And not too long after that dream, there was another dream of which this country was taken over by communists and they were hunting me down because I was a rebel. I tried to hide everywhere but they were always hot on my heels. To my frustration, everyone was reluctant to help me. Then a stranger came to my rescue and told me to hide in his car. When the communist checked his car, he protected me so convincingly that the communist let his car pass by. I was so relieved that I had managed to escape from the firing squad.

To my dearest husband-to-be, I hope the faceless guys in my dreams are you and you will be my saviour, my delight, my protector and my lover for as long as I live. I hope you will cherish me and care for me with tender, loving care. Em.. Jangan marah-marah bila orang selalu lambat ye, terimalah kelemahan orang ni seadanya sebab lepas ni awak akan sentiasa kena tunggu orang ;) Orang akan cuba untuk terima kelemahan awak juga.

P/S: I love you, husband-to-be.
It's a strange feeling knowing that by the time I post my next entry, I am no longer a single bachelorette and I am leaving behind the world I know so well to enter a new and most unfamiliar territory - Marriage World.

It's very, very strange to think about it.

A lot of friends ask me, 'So are you excited? You must be anticipating that moment.' I was left speechless.

Try as I might, I couldn't gauge any feelings at all about the fact that I will be someone's wife 7 days from now on and the next time I fill in a form, I'm no longer allowed to put my status as 'Single'.

Oo... we can call you Puan Carneyz is it?

My skin practically crawled at the thought. Puan Carneyz sounds like a 40-year old woman with 5 kids. Don't ever call me 'Puan' or 'Madam' or 'Mrs'. I won't entertain you. Let me make it clear upfront. Just call me 'Carneyz'.

Come on la. You can't be serious, Carneyz? What is wrong with you? You don't want to get hitched, is it? You don't love him ke?

Before you get any wrong ideas, let me clarify this clearly and precisely. I love this guy. I really, really do. He's the simplest, nicest and most loving man that a girl could ever wanted. I knew he's The One after being together for two years. I am very confident that he has the same feelings for me. And to me that's what love is all about - the sense of security of knowing somebody loves you. I pray to God that we will have an everlasting jodoh and stay happily together forever and ever (sorry Chairman, I have to borrow your terms).

In simpler words - of course I want to marry him, duh.

Perhaps I am experiencing the wedding jitter. Perhaps I'm nervous about the new responsibility that I have to shoulder a week from now on. I know every bride-to-be will get the wedding jitter, and every bridegroom too, but despite that hot and cold feeling, surely secretly they'd feel deliriously happy and anxious and excited and so many other heavenly feelings at the thought of having a wedding of their own.

Which, to be totally honest, I am approaching this new world with an apprehensive feeling. Will I be able to a good wife? An obedient wife? A wife so good that my husband will never ever look at other women? On the other hand, will I find my happily ever after solution in this new world?

And in using Jen's phrase - will I find the path to heaven in this new world?

Cheers to 24 years of singlehood, I hope 24 years has given me enough time to prepare myself for this fortcoming transformation. Welcome marriagehood (if ever such a word), may it bring blessings and happiness in its true form until the day I die.

Oh my heart, be brave and gentle and loving and forgiving and patient and understanding and selfless. Then only happiness will preside.
Last week I was in JB on a working trip. Suffice to say, as the date loomed nearer, we were rushing at break-neck speed to prepare for everything that needs to be done before we leave. So far, we had managed to buy a few important household items, fit in carpet and tikar getah at home which took the whole day, bought wedding stuffs, and tried not to bite off each other's heads no matter how cranky we became due to exhaustion.

Alhamdulillah that we had the sensibility to start joint savings a few months ago that we could afford to buy household items by cash. Even little things like a shoe cabinet and some other stuffs also managed to drain us off a few hundred ringgits. (Note to myself: Have to find more Datuks n Datins to distribute cards to and in return get a few hundred ringgits angpow) A friend suggested that I apply for personal loan to settle buying for the house as well as to cover the wedding expenses but I don't ever foresee a need to do that.

Anyway, as I had feared and fretted about earlier on, everybody grinned in that annoying way when they spotted me.

'Wah, bakal pengantin... berseri2.'
(In my heart) Shut up! Shut up! *but instead smile embarrassedly* 'Mana ada. Biasa je la.'
To cut the teasing short, I hid behind my laptop screen, pretending to be so engrossed with my work that I didn't hear anything.

Lunch hour came and I rushed to meet my ex-roommate in first year, Eve. The moment she saw me, she grabbed me in a deadlock grasp,

'Why are you getting married??'
>> Why everybody ask me this question?

We ordered lunch, then sat at two sofa at the end of the cafe facing each other. A series of girly & private Q&A ensued and always punctuated with, 'I heard it hurts' later, and we finally sighed.

'I can't believe you're getting married before me,' she said reproachfully.
'I can't believe I'm getting married in three weeks' time.' I agreed with her. Then I grabbed my cheeks and pinched them hard. I'm getting married that soon?? Three weeks? Not three months? Not three years? But three weeks? Soon it'll be three days? I'm getting married in three days?? In three hours? Three minutes? Three seconds? How could it happen??

We both almost shrieked.
'I hope my mom doesn't find out,' she said, 'else she starts to wonder when I'm getting married!'

Sipped at straw.

'How do you know he's the one?'

This is the question we always throw at each other since we met. We were always fantasizing about The One and always tried to describe how The One would be and look like. For some reasons I couldn't really explain, my answers were always:

'Tall, fair, Chinesey look, hair parted in the middle, can make me laugh, can handle my tantrums. Sarawakian.'

And four years later, voila! Like he had been delivered by post order at my doorstep. Amazing huh.

Back to the question. If she had asked me months ago, I wouldn't know. Yeah, I know I love him but I wouldn't know whether he's the one. But I'm not going to tell it here how I knew. I think it's private and indescribable but the feeling just suddenly pop! appears there at the core of your heart. Does it sound sappy? Yes it does to me.

'Things happen. You know he loves you sincerely and wholeheartedly. You know la. Then you wake up and it's like a revelation. Yes, I've found The One in him.'

Eve looked intrigued but she asserts with me. When lunch time was over, we hugged each other goodbye and promised to meet up again during Christmas at her house. Something hit me, that almost made me retched violently.

'Eve, by that time, I'll be a Puan. How terrible!'