On Approaching A New, Strange Territory

It's a strange feeling knowing that by the time I post my next entry, I am no longer a single bachelorette and I am leaving behind the world I know so well to enter a new and most unfamiliar territory - Marriage World.

It's very, very strange to think about it.

A lot of friends ask me, 'So are you excited? You must be anticipating that moment.' I was left speechless.

Try as I might, I couldn't gauge any feelings at all about the fact that I will be someone's wife 7 days from now on and the next time I fill in a form, I'm no longer allowed to put my status as 'Single'.

Oo... we can call you Puan Carneyz is it?

My skin practically crawled at the thought. Puan Carneyz sounds like a 40-year old woman with 5 kids. Don't ever call me 'Puan' or 'Madam' or 'Mrs'. I won't entertain you. Let me make it clear upfront. Just call me 'Carneyz'.

Come on la. You can't be serious, Carneyz? What is wrong with you? You don't want to get hitched, is it? You don't love him ke?

Before you get any wrong ideas, let me clarify this clearly and precisely. I love this guy. I really, really do. He's the simplest, nicest and most loving man that a girl could ever wanted. I knew he's The One after being together for two years. I am very confident that he has the same feelings for me. And to me that's what love is all about - the sense of security of knowing somebody loves you. I pray to God that we will have an everlasting jodoh and stay happily together forever and ever (sorry Chairman, I have to borrow your terms).

In simpler words - of course I want to marry him, duh.

Perhaps I am experiencing the wedding jitter. Perhaps I'm nervous about the new responsibility that I have to shoulder a week from now on. I know every bride-to-be will get the wedding jitter, and every bridegroom too, but despite that hot and cold feeling, surely secretly they'd feel deliriously happy and anxious and excited and so many other heavenly feelings at the thought of having a wedding of their own.

Which, to be totally honest, I am approaching this new world with an apprehensive feeling. Will I be able to a good wife? An obedient wife? A wife so good that my husband will never ever look at other women? On the other hand, will I find my happily ever after solution in this new world?

And in using Jen's phrase - will I find the path to heaven in this new world?

Cheers to 24 years of singlehood, I hope 24 years has given me enough time to prepare myself for this fortcoming transformation. Welcome marriagehood (if ever such a word), may it bring blessings and happiness in its true form until the day I die.

Oh my heart, be brave and gentle and loving and forgiving and patient and understanding and selfless. Then only happiness will preside.

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