Firstly, saya mahu ucap terima kasih. Terima kasih Amy, Husna. Kalian berjaya meraih mood saya kembali. Saya sudah kurang depressed. Life still perlu diteruskan.

Ahad lepas. Semalam lah. Kami sama-sama di dapur. Saya tengah chop bawang merah. Chop halus-halus, biar tak dak rasa dah. Bley gitu? Tapi hati masih kepingin tambah bawang. Owh, life is so complicated. En Suami Terchenta sedang memanaskan air. Di tangan beliau separuh bungkus spaghetti bersedia untuk direndam di dalam air panas yang menggelegak. Nasib la kau, spagetti. Pasti spagetti sedang mintak nyawa sebelum diterjunkan di dalam air panas menggelegak.

'Potpetpotpetpotpet...' Kami berborak2. Tentang kerja. Tentang projek side income beliau. Tentang saya dan perasaan meluat dengan kerja.

Sambil tangan saya menghidupkan api, memanaskan kuali, menuang minyak lantas menumis bawang. Tangan dan mulut sama-sama busy di dapur. Tangan mencapai meatball, lalu dicampak ke dalam kuali. Kemudian mencapai daging kisar.

'Kamu lihat ni, sayang? Ini barulah minced meat.' Saya berkata sambil menunjukkan label bungkusan cap Ramly's. Suami Terchenta senyum kambing. Ternyata beliau memang tak tau membezakan minced meat dengan minced chicken. Satu berwarna merah, satu berwarna putih. Malam Khamis, kami makan spagetti minced chicken uols. Lepas tu beliau komplen rasanya tak sama dengan spagetti bolognese. Haih! *tepuk dahi*

Mujurlah sekarang En Suami Terchenta sudah tau rebus spagetti. Sebelum rebus kena letak minyak zaitun sesudu dua, supaya spagetti tak melekat. Maklumlah, spagetti tu berkanji. Next time, saya akan ajar En Suami membuat kuah spagetti ala Italian.

Yes, mintak ampun sebab kami seboks bekerja sekarang, menambah pendapatan rumahtangga. Saya sedang menunggu download trial Microsoft Office 2007 supaya lepas ni saya boleh sambung buat kerja di rumah. En Suami pulak sedang bermeeting di luar tentang projek side income beliau. Tomorrow, lusa dan tulat, saya akan berjauhan dari Suami Terchenta, demi KERJA DAN TAK LAIN TAK BUKAN KERNA KERJA. Oh Tuhanku, bila boleh kami merasa hidup yang free dari beban kerja?
'A lady committed suicide at my apartment a few days ago.' My friend announced over our dinner of char kuey teow.

It was enough to make me pause between shoving a spoonful of the char kuey teow in my mouth to ask, 'Oh my God! How?'

My friend shrugged and continued to eat as she explained, 'She jumped off the building.'

I thought of it as we walked to our Quran recital class at Heritage building. I thought of it when the class finished. It wasn't the gory details that my friend helpfully supplied later on that bugged me. It was the action itself that made me ponder.

What was her thinking when she made that final decision to step off the rail or whatever that became her jumping platform? What problems could be so huge that pushed her to the point of no return?

Did she regret it as she saw the ground closing in on her?

I am not suicidal, never. The idea of eternal damnation keeps me away from such thoughts. It was just sometimes life could be so depressing that I wished I could just... break away. Not end it. Just - walk out and start over again.

I did that almost a year ago. I changed my job. I started over. But somehow I did not factor in the transition effect. The altitude change sickness or whatever. From somewhere higher up to being back at the bottom in just a day. Surely it caused a bit of emotional wreckage, a little confusion, a lot of stress? It did. Throw in the loss of a child we hoped for, sudden weight gain due to hormonal imbalance that is VERY hard to lose, and major policy changes in the new company that made us look like the monster in the company? How then, could I not feel depressed?

How could this be the right choice if it makes me unhappier each day, if it makes us grow apart every day and makes me lose interest with my life? I no longer have any passion, not even an ounce, on things I used to love. Graphic design, reading, shopping, being around people... Every day I go back from work and all I want to do is crawl on the bed or lose myself in repeated tv programs until I drift off to dreamland, dreaming of restless dreams.

I tried to brave myself into facing this increasing complicated life by telling, 'You don't have to think of it. You just do it one thing at a time.' It worked for a while but it slowed me down and things keep coming. I know one day I am going to succumb to this brain pressure. The evidences are showing up on my health. The hormonal imbalance that messed up my productive organs, my weight and everything else is impact from the pressure I am trying to contain within.

Yet I still feel that darkness is wrapping its fingers around my heart. Suffocating me. Exhausting me. I wish I could outrun it FOREVER. I wish I could, once and for all, break away from this boring job and figure out what I want to do in life and work towards that instead!

Before I run out of time. Before I realise that I'm 40, still unhappy with my life's choice but too coward to change it.

Oh God. Tell me that there is more to life than this.
Ini bukan tipu. Ini betul-betul punya. Kami menang friendship match lawan Ma****** bukan setakat 2-1, tapi 4-3! Kawan-kawan, mari sama2 angkat tangan sambil jerit, 'HOYEEE!'

Sebelum aku story pasal game futsal malam ni, meh citer sket asal-usul penglibatan aku di dalam sukan futsal malam ni. 

Minggu lepas, kami dapat email menyeru staff-staff untuk join futsal friendly match dengan satu kompeni ni. Demi memenuhi KPI saya menyahut saranan semangat berpasukan, aku pon sign up sekali. Pastu siap pujuk2 member satu dept join sekali. Huhu. Hiduplah KPI sukan untuk negara!

Oh my God! Aku rasa macam mimpi. Macam boleh tampar muka sendiri 10x. Walaupun kami prektis sekali je tapi kami menang. Walaupun kami baru nak decide siapa main position apa 10 minit before kami start game, tapi kami menang:

'Eh, siapa nak main position apa ni? Erk. Defend? Amende tuh?'

Dah la aku serius seorang kaki bangku. Sepak bola pun dengan kadar kelajuan 10km/j. Goalkeeper boleh jalan lenggang-kangkung nak tangkap bola aku ok! MUAHAHA! Aku gelak cover line nih. Therefore, aku rasa macam tak percaya pulak bila kami menang. Gambatte!

Ehem. Warm up dulu. Prektis tendang bola

Sebelum start game, kami beratur untuk bertukar-tukar cenderahati. Kami semua dapat diari. Erk. Hopefully itu ialah diari untuk tahun depan ye geng lawan. Hehe.

Mari-mari, kita tukar hadiah Krismas.

Aku main position defend, ambik kau! Yang bestnya, bila game nak start aku leh tanya, 'Eh, defend tu apa? Dia buat apa ha?' *ramai2 pengsan di court Ampang Sports Planet*

Game tu habis pukul 9pm dan kami semua pulang dengan gumbira (ini ialah ayat malas dari orang mengantok yang keletihan lepas menang futsal).

Recently I have been experiencing a rough patch at work, which is nothing to do with work surprisingly. How I hold up emotionally, only God, Ainie and Jen know. Ok, Ainie & Jen are in the know because we used to share same office, faced same dragons characters, and came up with cute nicknames for them. Durian? However did Ainie manage to come up with that. Tsk.

Anyway, I wouldn't spill here because that wouldn't be professional, kan. Enough to say, my way of dealing with difficult characters is, I choose not to care. For me, life moves on in whatever ways I choose. If I choose to be happy, my life will be happy. Lesson to everybody - never lets other people dictate how you should feel. Happiness should come from within.

Lesson I learn from the whole experience. Whatever happens, there must be a hikmah. Maybe God just want to show me who are my real friends. People like Jen and Ainie, because we once quarreled and did not speak for months but the strength of our friendship lasted us through that and the bond became even stronger once we overcame our differences. People like Kak Za, who dared to point out my mistakes right in my face instead of talking behind my back to others. People like my dear friend Bib, who stand by me through thick or thin over the past 9 years, people like Agatha, who stood to defend me when someone tried to backstab me, and people like Eva, who never judged me and accepted me for me.

Of course, there are also people who boost up my morale like Msjbox buddies, and recently people I met over a game of futsal. The hikmah I see is, when one door closed, another door opens. More opportunities to meet more people. More experiences doing new things that enrich my life.

I believe in seeing a glass half full. I do not want to dwell on negative thoughts. Work is already so stressful, why stress myself even more thinking about people's behaviors and attitude? One thing I like about my old company - almost everybody back-stabbed everybody but in the office, professional facade is still maintained even though you hate that person's guts so bad. When you have to communicate to that person, you will do it in a professional way. You don't try to avoid communicating to them, you don't re-route the communication to a middle person and you certainly don't display your crude communication skill because that will show your weakness. In other words, you don't mix up your work and personal issues together.

So, best if I keep a respectful distance towards these characters in order not to be affected by their hostile attitude. Hanya Allah membalas dan Allah itu Maha Adil lagi Maha Mengetahui.
When it comes to impulsive holidays, Suami Terchenta and I have this motto - carpe diem! (seize the day). If you think that it means we have loads of $$ to go on holiday, you are very far from the truth because seriously. We always have budget holiday wan!

Step #1: Marry an impulsive adventurer

Hold my hands tight - we are going on plenty of adventures!

#2: Exploit opportunities and follow your heart

Since we are already in Sabak Bernam for CSR site visit, let's hop over to Lumut and then Pangkor!

#3: Stay at places where early reservation is not required (a.k.a. budget hotel)

Why pay more, just walk and save your moolah on taxi charges!

So let's go cuti-cuti Malaysia, Mr & Mrs Junaidix's style!

p/s: I'll do a review on the resort later.
Dua bulan kebelakangan ni, life sangat busy sampai aku jarang ada di rumah wiken. Kadang-kadang aku heret Suami Terchenta sekali temankan aku outstation. Kadang-kadang kami jadi weekdays couple (hahaha, orang lain jadi weekend couple, kami jadi weekdays couple) :p

Nak buat camane. Life as kuli korporat, berkorban demi negara, demi rumah baru yang perlu wang banyak, demi. WHATEVER. Akan aku perbanyakkan lagi doa supaya Suami Terchenta cepat-cepat kaya supaya aku boleh duduk di rumah macam wife2 yang normal.

Tapi weekend lepas, kehidupan gila as kuli korporat akhirnya semakin pulih dan slow down. Finally ada masa lapang untuk Suami Terchenta. Hooray! Therefore, tanpa membuang masa kami meneruskan aktiviti riadah hujung minggu secara sihat, walafiat dan sejahtera...

... iaitu jungle-trekking di FRIM.

... remember the posting about my experience playing futsal?
Dunno leh? DUNNO? Read here.
What did I say then?

Huahuahua! Ini ialah tangisan dalam ketawa.
Taubat. Aku tak mau main futsal dengan kaum jantan lagi.
Aku tak mau ulang peristiwa hari semalam!
En Junaidix, sila bawak balik rumah isteri anda sekarang!

Kau ingat adakah aku bertaubat?

Today when Public Affairs circulated email to request for volunteers to play against Ma*****f (another company), I signed up.

*punch own head, slap own face, kick own butt*



Esok petang pergi training kat Ampang Sports Planet. Huhu... Ko memang carik nahas sendiri, Carneyz. Ko memang!
Korang tau kan aku ada satu kegilaan terhadap warna pepel?

Sampai Suami Terchenta nak termuntah dengan fantasi pepel aku.

Cantiknya baju ittew. Alah, sebab dia warna pepel kan?
Cantiknya tudung ittew. Sebab kaler pepel kan???
Shut up.

Macamana kalau aku kata, cantiknya bilik ittew?

HAHAHAHA! Suami Terchenta mesti jatuh pengsan. Enough purple! Enough!

Anyway, aku mau cerita tentang satu hari berwarna pepel.

Saya terasa nak ubah bilik air rumah baru daripada ini:

 The bathroom in the master bedroom

Where do I begin. An apology? An explanation? An excuse? Or do I just pretend like nothing happens and just start to tell you people about the latest things in our lives?

Meh sini lap sikit habuk kat blog ni. Hehe.

I decided to do all. Sorry peeps for neglecting this blog because I'm so busy throughout the past two months and I hardly spent time at home let alone on a computer and by the way, our house is finally completed.


That cleared up, let's introduce my new blog skin (again). The light at the end of the tunnel seems appropriate because there's probably a number of reasons why November seems like I'm finally getting out of a dark tunnel into the light:

1. My colleague is finally back from her maternity leave. Hurray!
2. Our house is finally completed. Hurray!
3. I finally completed filling up my travel claim forms and can wait for my money to be reimbursed by the Company. Hurray!
4. I'm finally pregnant. Oops. Itu tipu. Masih lagi anak dara.

Talking about our house, last week we went to have our first peek at the completed apartment building (yup, walaupun gaji sebagai kuli korporat adalah sangat memuaskan, tapi masih tak mampu beli rumah ada tanah ok). We met our future neighbours and they seemed like decent people. We even joked about how small our houses look compared to the show room we were ushered into before the wives' jaws crashed open and the hubbies whipped out their pens and signed the sales agreement. Sesal dahulu pendapatan kau... walaupun pendapatan kau tak seberapa sangat.