Letter Day 7

Dearest children,

Today marks the 7th day of our separation. Like I said yesterday, it's still very painful for me to take each day in its stride. I am looking forward to meet you girls this weekend, so badly sayang! 

My babies,

I have had a troubling thought today. I am compelled by guilt to your Makyeng for dragging her in my problems. I know how much Makyeng treasures her independence - after so many years of raising children, she could finally have her life back. To spend the day as she pleases, to meet and hang out with her friends, to have their community activities that no doubt give her a sense of belonging, recognition and achievement. When you grow up, you will learn about this theory - it's called Maslow's Motivation Hierarchy. 

And suddenly I give her so much responsibility of looking after you girls because I'm too busy chasing my own achievement. Not only that, I am giving her lots of pressure to leave her comfort zone and stay here to look after you girls because I couldn't bear to stop breastfeeding or be away from you both.

Who am I to say my achievement is more important than her achievement? Who am I to make her leave her place just for my sake? I am her child, not the other way around. I should be the one playing the obedient role, not vice versa.

But I am your mother too, I have no one to turn to except the one person whom every child turns to in difficulty - my own mother. It's bad enough feeling guilty towards you girls for not looking after you two, I also feel guilty towards Makyeng for imposing on her life.

My precious diamonds,

You must be nice to Makyeng. Don't be naughty, don't quarrel and cooperate with her. You must be thankful that your Makyeng loves you very much that she's willing to look after you even though it means she has to sacrifice her personal time and not be with her friends.

Thank you Makyeng. We are sorry for putting you through this. We love you very much. May Allah reward you in plentifuls.

Khayla & Khadeeja,

Stay happy, healthy and good girls always. Mak love you lots. Dream a little dream of me.

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