This is a heart-pouring post.

I'm on the brink of failure. It's frustrating, heart-wrenching, and utterly devastating.

I had hoped to work on the topic that I'm passionate about. Combining two of the things that I love - motherhood and the environment. I thought (in all my naiveness) that this topic would be interesting, and since nobody ever did this before I would surely contribute to the knowledge building.

That's me. 80% idealist, only 20% realist. Between me & my sister, she's the practical and sensible one while I mostly tread in the shadow of fantasy and only crash hard to reality when things didn't go as hoped. 

It's been more than 8 weeks since I started data collection but the response has been lukewarm (closer to icy cold). Friends shared that on average they only spent 3-4 weeks to collect their data from more than 300 respondents but in 8 weeks, I only managed to collect 121 feedback, and probably even less once I've eliminated the outliers.

Either CD-using moms are too busy to go online (because those CDs don't clean themselves!) or most of them are occasional users, not devoted users. So they are not compelled to participate.

Whatever is the reason, the reality is I can't afford to wait for the 100 more people to participate. I'll be back to work by next month, and I have only 6 weeks+ to complete my thesis. I'm passionate, but time is not on my side. I am probably required to abandon this project for my MBA.

That is why I'm broken-hearted.

I will survive this. A successful person don't succumb to dead-ends, rather they find ways to make it to success.

And my best friend Kak Za once gave me a damn good advice.

Agak-agak menyusahkan, tinggalkan je la...

I think it's time to heed that advice.

Wipe my tears and move on.

Khayla & Khadeeja went to a daycare today because I had some work to do. It's a new daycare and I like the cheerful & bright look, as well as its hygiene. Plus, they have plenty of toys which the girls immediately reached for when I dropped them off.

When we fetched them in the evening, both girls were excited to see us especially Khadeeja who was fretful and kept crying when she was left alone (I got a lot of updates on her from the daycare but they seemed to be able to handle her anxiety). So I'm impressed that they didn't panicked and called me up to take her just because Khadeeja couldn't stop crying, unlike a daycare in Setapak where we sent them when we both had classes one Saturday. In the end I had to bring her to class as well.

Oh did I mention that they are okay with handling cloth diaper? :) I had no complain from the staff except a few questions on how to handle the diaper when Khadeeja poo in it (which I replied just roll the diaper up, poo & all, and toss it in the diaper bag).

Oh yeah. Where was I? Back to the title. Khayla was initially upset having to wake up and shower earlier than normal but other than that, she adjusted very well. The staff told me that she played, ate her meal and took her nap like any good girl. 

Tonight when we were settling down for bedtime, she spoke up:

Khayla: Khayla sudah go to school today.
Me:  did you like school?
Khayla: uhuh *nodded head*
Me: How many friends you met today?
Khayla: *began counting* ten friends, mak!
Me: wow, that's a lot of friends!
Khayla: orange. Khayla drink orange also. Many orange.
Me: I see. Did you eat rice?
Khayla: Yes. And play toys. Many many toys.
Me: that's good. Do you like the teachers?
Khayla: uhuh *nodded head*

This is actually the first time she ever narrated her day to me. She just turned 3 last month and could already recalled her day. My firstborn is fast becoming a big girl already!