On many things at many levels

10:49 PM

On 3 days' break...

It's not supposed to be a break. I'm supposed to work on the preparation for next week's workshop. But as usual, I stalled. Well, yesterday I wasn't feeling well. Today, I just felt not in the mood. Let's hope tomorrow I will be able to summon some mood and force myself to do those annoying work. Sigh. I still hate work. I don't know how I managed to survive 8 years + in this job, and never managed to fall in love doing it. I'm just doing it for the $$.

On my kids...

But on another note. I had a lovely day today with my kids. We went for a picnic at the beach today. The girls were excited and Khayla kept proclaiming, 'This is the best day ever!' as she splashed in the water. I couldn't agree more. I love spending time with them. I love watching their faces lit up, their carefree antics. I love them so freakin' much.

On Ed Sheeran...

I saw this video clip about this singer. He had a difficult start, hating school because he was bullied and eventually decided that he wanted nothing more than become a musician. So he dropped out, and became homeless for many years before finally his 'Shape of You' song became a hit and he sold thousands of albums. The video's message is - follow your passion and success will follow you.

I am intrigued. I began to wonder what is my passion. I had been operating on auto-mode for so many years that I realized the fire inside of me had died down many years ago. I couldn't even remember what fired me up.

I used to love graphic designs or more precisely, photo editing. I spent endless hours teaching myself Photoshop and even spent the entire night awake working on a design. I loved doing presentation montage for our group presentations, syncing the slides with music and timing it to perfection. I had loved doing those things. But somehow that love was lost. I don't know when I lost it. I think it was at the point when I switched jobs to this administrative function.

So now I am without any passion for life. I should be looking for something that will make me feel alive, and pursue that regardless what. After that, success will follow me. But I can't feel anything now. I'm nothing but an empty shell now. So how am I supposed to hope to become successful if I do things out of obligations instead of passion?

On an afterthought. Perhaps my passion is being with my kids. If only I know how to turn that into an income.

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